BTT #80: When you are Queer.

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When you are queer,

It doesn’t matter

To anybody one way

Or the other

Until you are visible,

And then suddenly

It sometime seems

Everybody cares,

But not always

In a good way.

For example,

One brother

Is always there to listen

And share my tears,

And the other won’t even

Let me apologize for my

Last argument, the one

Where I called him Lisa,

But just remains

Stubbornly silent,

Not answering the phone

In many years.

                        And then

There was that one day

I lost my job,

I don’t care what they say

Everybody knows the

Only reason was just

Because I couldn’t hide

Any longer that I had to live

Free and open,

Beautiful, trans and gay.

                        Now I have

To scramble and work

More hours

For less pay,

                        But that

At least was not draped

In false kindness.

                        But when the

Temple doors were closed

To my entry

                        It was not

Out of a lack of trying

Or an abundance of sin,

                        But was only a

Mindless

Unwavering boundary

Over which I was

Embraced blankly and was

Whispered that they loved me,

But could no longer

Let me in.

                        Oh, there were

Tears,

                        And there were

Sighs,

                        And everywhere

Multitudes of eyes,

Really just ostentations

Filling out a peacock’s tail,

Full of fanning gleam

                        And glitter,

That won’t open to even

The slightest light

Or brilliant beam,

                                    Closed

To even the very smallest

Little gay

Glimmer.

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            -Lona Gynt, October 2022, All Rights Reserved.

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Linked to dVerse Open Link Poetry Night hosted by Linda Lee Lyberg.

Come Enjoy the Poetry Trail! 🙂

Here is the link

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37 thoughts on “BTT #80: When you are Queer.

    1. Aw shucks. Dunno. Courage is that thing that happens when you have no other choice? This morning when thinking of courage, I think of my friend Amaya, and maybe Margaret Atwood. 🤷🏻‍♀️
      Luvs you Friend.

      Like

  1. Lona, it’s good to see you here.
    I’m so sorry about all the people, petty and self righteous, but I’m glad you have job, even if it’s not as good as the other one. I hope you have people who do love and care for you. We are living in a scary time, and I agree you are brave.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. it is good to be here Merril. I am also glad I have a job, the struggle is real. Remember that project you invited me to participate in a few years ago about feminism life stories/struggles for moppets, and I did not feel I had much to add? Well I think I could scratch a little out now. Did that all come together? With your hand in it, I would imagine it may have done some good.
      The new job is really meaningful, even though I will have to keep at it I think until I am 80 in order to make ends meet before they dissipate. But the queer and trans community is finding me when they need a doctor, in this red state, when they would not have been comfortable at my prior practice setting, having turned out to be what it was all along, a little cog in the theocratic fascist fabric. I do have people who love me, this current scree not withstanding. Remarried now nearly two years, and joys joys joys joys there. anyway, that is the executive summary. Thanks for believing in me from the very start of my new beginnings.
      Lona

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad that there is some good and also joy in your life. You’re very welcome!
        I think the project must have been the reference book I did on sexual harassment. It came out just as the first wave of COVID hit. It probably could use an update, but that would be up to the publishers. I’m focusing mainly on poetry now. 💙

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Rob Kistner

    Lona. Complicated as it may be at times, it is your journey. Do not let anyone steal the joys, pain, triumphs, disappointments, or any of the emotional or physical elements of it — nor try to redefine it for you. It is yours and yours alone — own it and celebrate it. You need not ask anyone for permission my friend. Those who don’t get you — tell ‘em fuck off! My life has been insane, I am probably damned difficult to understand, those who don’t — But. but tough shit to the rest of ‘em!. I say fuck’em if they don’t get it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yippers my friend. 🙂
      This poem is a bit of a scree, but the actual light in my life at this point in being able to be and accept myself is a great joy. Have a loving wife, accepting children and friends and parents and (most) siblings. A plan for the future, and finally getting able from time perspective to start writing again a tad. There is light, thank you for being part of it my friend.

      Like

  3. Joyce Visage

    Oh Lona, you are such a Wonderful person. You are so strong, courageous and Beautiful. I am sure I don’t know that have of your journey but the part I can relate to is people of faith saying they “love” you but closing the door on you because your sin is worse than their sin of judgment. Then family that say they love you unconditionally but because you don’t let them use and abuse you , you are now not part of there fire.
    I am happy that you have a support group. Where I am fighting rejection by myself. I do realize when I get through this I will be even a stronger person than I was before. I may not have humans on my side I know God is with me.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Powerful. The part about the closed temple doors is so sad to me. My hometown synagogue has a new rabbi and he is a gay man. We also have other members of the congregation who are gay. And I once went to a Shabbat service synagogue that catered to the LGBTQ+ community (I’m straight, but I was traveling in that area and I needed somewhere to go), and it was a huge, vibrant, active community. Honestly, it was one of the best Friday night services I’ve ever attended.

    Liked by 1 person

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